#but im not going to add them right away
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rinkunokoisuru · 11 months ago
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Being the son of an evil warlord isn't easy, and the people of Ninjago City aren't about to let Lloyd Garmadon forget it. When the previous protector of the city steps down, it's suddenly up to him and a team of ninja-in-training to juggle leading the fight against Lord Garmadon and their civilian lives. In order to protect their families, as well as the city, they must keep their true faces hidden beneath the mask. Even from each other.
*explodes from the anxiety of sharing this*
Also check out this Morro concept lol
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u5an5 · 2 months ago
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spanish dub this, french dub that
why is no one talking about the fact that in polish dub Wade on their first meeting straight up asks him out for a date?
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book-lover85 · 2 months ago
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Stay at home dad and artist on commission Keefe
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#keefe sencen#sokeefe#he watches him and sophie's 5 year old little boy and 11 year old girl (she's currently applying for Foxfire) while sophie works#he does his own art pieces along with commissions at home#and the little boy can teleport so he's constantly dropping in on sophie and fitz at their job#(it's related to them being cognates or something idk)#and keefe has a panic attack because he looked away for one second to add a detail to his sketch and now his kid's gone#their kid drops into sophie's arms (or right outside the door of the building she works at)#and sophie gives him an eye roll and a disappointed look for freaking his father out and interrupting her#(he has absolutely appeared when she was in a super important meeting)#this is all based on the assumption that elves don't have some kind of basic schooling before foxfire or other schools like it#when he appears back at their residence (their leapmaster floor has an open roof for teleportation)#keefe is standing there frantically ready to catch him#and their girl (im shit with names) is standing there giving him a look like “I thought you weren't scared of anything”#and he's just caught the kid and is trying to rock him to sleep cause teleporting is tiring for a 5 year old#but he humors her while walking down the hall to his bedroom#“who said i wasn't?” “i do” “why?”#“nobody who actually beat an ogre would be scared of their child teleporting away”#“you'd be surprised”#(she doesn't beleive he actually fought dimitar and thinks it's an elaborate inside joke between sophie him and queen ro)#so they keep going back and forth with him being vague about the details because while he did beat dimitar#he is absolutely exaggerating all the details#“keefe you can't tell our kids you punched dimitar and he immediately surrendered” “please” “no”#and then they get to his room on the second floor and he shushes her so he can place the sleeping boy in his bed#i have so many thoughts about future sokeefe actually
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carnival-core · 4 months ago
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Hey not to make a political post but does it ever feel like we can just never win and the suffering will be forever and we're always going to have to fight with moments of peace being fleeting and not worth looking forward to
#behind the tent#neg#current events#the worst man alive got shot and lived#if he DOES die he will be martyred . we will be considered a violent threat . the right will revolt#if he DOESNT die he will martyr himself as a survivor . we will be branded as violent and worth stamping out . we're going to be killed#moments of celebration do not last#two innocent people died as a result#and we couldnt even fucking kill trump immediately#and joe biden aint much better!!!#and halfway across the globe innocent families are being ripped apart in the name of an ethnostate and by god Im not letting myself give up-#-hope for them . Im not allowed to feel hopeless for them .#but fuck if the knowledge in my mind every waking day doesnt add to it#and neither of our politicians care!!! and of course the entire fucking world ends up dictated by the whims of the US anyways so the fact#they dont care is crucially fucking important!!#And my right to live and exist in this country will probably be wiped away entirely in a couple of years when I just barely got to taste it#there's a chance I could be hatecrimed next time I walk out the door#And maybe its the ahedonia since childhood speaking too but I'm starting to not see the point !!!!! what is the point !!!!#the fact there ARE people who care about me is the only fucking reason I'm not gonna end it all tomorrow! I swear to god!#And at this point I am waiting for this to finally fucking affect me personally so I can have an excuse to fucking feel that way!#I feel so fucking selfish for being so suicidal when I've been one of the lucky ones but god its not gonna get better is it?#everyone encourages radicalization and change . demands it . begs for it . but it hasnt happened! it will Never happen!#my only god damn choice is to let it lead to despair!#suicidal ideation cw#God I wish I had access to hard drugs
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steelycunt · 2 years ago
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ridi im sorry i need to rant and i think youll get it 😭 like not to be a bitch but this fandom kinda going off the rails and annoying the shit out of me https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRbYASpf/ everybody in the comments unironically loving it,,, i mean wtvr ship who you want but its kinda getting delusional like ppl are just operating on thin air and pretty fancasts atp and i do Not understand or emotionally connect with any of it. at least w wolfstar theres so much material and foundation to explore but what is all the rest of this?? just hot celebrity fancasts and crack. to be fair part of me respects taking a terfs canon material and making everybody gay but the way it seems to be so oversaturating fics and the fandom that characters dont even feel like their original selves .. atp its all just surface level OCs
hello! yes! i'll be honest talking about things like this always make me a little nervous, and i feel obligated to preface anything i say with a disclaimer that none of it really matters, nothing i say matters, and you should do what you like, because--who cares. i am not an authority on--anything, frankly. my opinion holds no more weight than the next guy's, and all i'm doing here is giving it, so. essentially what im saying is--people are perfectly entitled to disagree with me, but people are not entitled to be mean to me about it xx
having said that. it is my personal opinion that s x barty is one of the worst fucking things i have ever heard lol. who even is barty who is that guy. why would s be interested in him at all. i do not understand it it does not make sense to me. from where are we sourcing the character traits and personality that we are giving barty that would ever endear sirius to him, because it objectively cannot be canon.
overall i do not get the new interest in barty + evan + pandora (+ regulus, but we won't go there)...at all, other than guessing that people were bored with the marauders and wanted a new version of them (and new celebrities to fancast) while simultaneously changing next to nothing about them other than superimposing them onto the first slytherin side characters they could rustle up. i expect ive become a bit of a broken record in regards to my dislike of the popular meow-meow-ification + complete absolution of regulus as a character in order to make him a loveable oc (just as i think erasing all the negative traits that r/s have in order to make them more likeable is just as boring), and all of that applies to those other guys as well (with the slight difference that they are, somehow, even less interesting and significant than regulus in canon), so i won't get into that too much. but i think what you say about having no emotional connection to any of it is exactly right lol--it is a sort of shift? i guess? in the fandom that is simply of no interest to me. they are characters that i just have no emotional investment in and admittedly struggle a little to understand why other people do. i am emotionally invested in, like, five characters overall (and even out of those--there's only two i'm really here for innit xx) and i personally cannot extend that investment to a creepy little side character who is mentioned maybe twice in the entire series.
and that is okay! i do not need to understand it. i don't want to say it annoys me because honestly--i don't go there, its nothing to do with me. if i dont like it i just wont interact with it, and the fact that it doesn't interest me has no bearing on what other people are into or want to do, and i couldn't give less of a shit what people do with the canon material, which is largely garbage anyway. take the bits you want from it, play around with those and ignore the rest. in that respect we are all doing exactly the same thing. but yeah i think s x barty is genuinely awful lol. hate it. very terrible. he's already got a loser werewolf boyfriend and he loves him so so much. leave him alone.
#i know most people are reasonable and thus it is perhaps overly cautious of me to insist on shrouding my unpopular#opinions in like. layer upon layer of placatory disclaimers but. well im a rather anxious guy i can't help it xx but im going to use these#tags to have a bit more of a consequence-less hater hour so. if you like regulus or barty or any of that lot i suggest you look away now#because i am about to express opinions about them that you probably wouldnt agree with + wouldnt enjoy reading!!#like full warning what im about to do is NOT any sort of analysis or defence of my opinion i will just be hating on them. is that clear.#okay. having said that. hater hour. barty and evan and honestly regulus were all cunts? like they were terrible people why do we care#about them now. regulus interests me solely as a piece of context for sirius' character. i could not give less of a shit about him as a#person in his own right. which leads me to my next hater moment: why oh why oh WHY on earth would canon james potter be interested#in canon regulus black. it makes sense in like a muggle au where they are virtually completely different characters but canon?#why would he be attracted to him. there is nothing. there is no chemistry i am ASLEEP and so is james. he would not give that#guy a second look. like it just baffles me it truly does. i feel like you have to bend over backwards to create a situation in which#james potter would ever show an interest in regulus. and i know jegulus is a fucking force to be reckoned with nowadays but god i just#do not like that ship. also i think the fact that barty and pandora and evan are essentially just oc characters who have been coloured#in by general fanon consensus shows in that what they have become is just. not interesting or complex or well fleshed out lol. like#idk i feel like they are just. very shallow. deliberately. so they are easy to like and easy to ship because that is what theyre there for.#god it feels so good to say all this. i will never be a hater again (<- lying) but i needed to be able to just. say this just once xx#also if you needed any more indication what barty and evan and regulus are here to do you just have to look at their#super-hot super-conventionally attractive celebrity model fancasts. like it all adds up its like but what if these death eaters were#not actually evil :-( what if they were really sweet and also? so so hot. like they were all so hot and actually really good#and none of them meant to be evil they didnt want to be :-( they were just hot good guys all in love with each other and the evil stuff#they did wasnt their fault :-( like that has to be. the most boring thing you couldve possibly done with these blank slates. surely.#anyway. im done now but i enjoyed hater hour immensely this was so fucking good for my soul xx thanks and goodnight xx#anon#telegram#scream hang on sorry. just looked at the comments of that tiktok where people are saying they were prison besties. girl. girl.#girl they were in prison for very different reasons baby. baby you know that right. baby look at me. look at me
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darabeatha · 8 months ago
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List of muses I wanna talk more about/ have more dynamics with(in no specific order):
Asclepius
Moctezuma II
Tezcatlipoca
Lucifer
Michael
Arthur Pendragon
Odysseus
Constantine XI
Edmond Dantes
Arjuna
Camazotz
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nailtagyuri · 1 year ago
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when i was 12 this was the coolest most mindblowing shit ever i was genuinely so obsessed with it I'd read it very day like the bible. I would die for a version of this with the post 3D world content over my country
#i hve vs super mario bros on my switch bc i wanted to chronologically play through the storied hero timeline and i couldnt find a rom#I think it has the same appeal as spid.erverse kinda except instead of multiple different people filling the same role as sp.iderman its#the same guy it's still mario but the changes come from things going differently at certain points in his life do you GET ME!!#LIKE!!!!!!!! MOST OF IT'S DETERMINED BY WHAT HAPPENS IN YOSHIS ISLAND AND THERES ALTERNATIVE PATHS IF HE WINS OR FAILS!!! GAME OVERS HAVE#CONSEQUENCES THAT BRANCH INTO THEIR OWN TIMELINES MARIO CAN END UP WITH DIFFERENT PARENTS ITS SO COOLLLLLL#and i love how each of the major branches has their own theme like “action hero” is the one with all the gameplay-focused#mainline titles “storied hero” is the one with all the M&L rpgs and more plot-heavier stuff and “blue collar hero” is this third one#with all the donkey kong titles and wackier/arcade titles WHERE i might add his design had a blue shirt and red overalls#and the tl builds off of those games into nsmb so i like to hc that he kept his early 80s design well into the later games <-autistic sorry#AND how thetimelines represent how their different backstories have influenced their personalities and thought processes a little like#what happened to mario in the blue collar branch like he either becomes EVILL!!!! and kidnaps donkey kong leading to dkjr or#divorces peach and has a self isolation arc after nsmb2 whats going on w him...#and i LOVE how all of them have a sort of common event where bowser invades the mushroom kingdom and in each timeline its#represented by a different variation of the original super mario bros game with action hero's event being represented by smb itself#which is fitting since thats the branch where mario and luigi ended up with their intended parents and everything went as planned#and i think a general theme here is that the more things go against intention the sillier it gets dont even get me STARTED on the time#travel shenanigans in bottom right which lead into the handheld remakes i love this so much its unreal#i do wish paper mario wasnt explained away as a dream but like thats its whole other world and art style and itd be difficult#to fit it into one of the major branches so i get why it was done. i probably wouldve just given it its own isolated bubble in the corner#at that rate i probably wouldve added so much more shit to the main tl im talking game&watch games i look at this and i see a pitch#for a full feature length autism production you understand
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dbphantom · 6 months ago
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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rearranging-deck-chairs · 6 months ago
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trick to fun dialogue is just to make it a little hard to understand. maybe thats a cheap trick but i dont care
#or not even that hard necessarily just like it takes like 2 listens. it takes attention#and what 'harder' is is subjective depends on the type of dialogue you hear a lot and your vocabulary level#watching the nevers right#and im watching this scene and theres this character who exactly hits this spot for me#like 5........wait 5 years ago is not as far as i think it is.........7 years ago (ugh) i woudlnt have understood what she was saying#like i'd know all the words separately but iwouldnt have understood what she was saying at all#but rn im like oooh this is the exact balance between obscuring your meaning and substance#i think oftne in my writing i obscure more than there is substance#there usually /is/. /some/ substance#theres usually substance. just theres more complication than there is substance. here the balance is better#bc someone needs to say these words hfkghgj#the other day while reading scripts im making myself rewrite i was like 'i coudltn do this in a fic. iwouldnt get away with this'#lines that work in a script (bc they'll be acted) fall flat in fic bc we dont have the luxury (or limitation) of actors#but it really made me think abt like..what you need to do in a script for television vs in a fic based on that television you knwo what i#mean? different things you need to work for. WE need to work for that the characters sound like Them. that we can Hear them#tv gets that almost free. the words will be in the right voice in the right body that gets you like 60-70% of the way#less sometimes depending on the specificity of the character&circumstances i was mostly thinking abt the doctor who maybe has more leeway#and tv has the limitations of 1) needs to be sayable. but also 2) needs to be flatter i think#you cant put 5 meanings in every line bc theres plot that needs to keep going and sentences need to stay short#so you get a lot of character work for free i think but in return you need to rein yourself in in that way#anyway idk these observations were just based on like me rewriting the 14 specials and going 'this line fucking sucks in fic' fhgkjhgkjgh#not that it was a bad line! just. boring .meaningless. doesnt add. filler noise. i dont have TIME for that in fic. i lose people#idc if i lose readers i dont know abt that but i lose myself honestly very short attention span keep every word interesting#scripts are fluffy and repetitious. repetitive. but repetitious sounds funner#anyway its fun trying to match that tv need with my own lines that i add in#not too obscure. needs to be sayable. but with my own 'half the spices cabinet in my single cup of hot choccy' approach to writing#(and hot choccy)
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quietwingsinthesky · 7 months ago
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the doctor also wouldn’t call even autistic simply because he doesn’t think about neurodivergence that way, a way that’s all human and categorized down into neat boxes. he references how others label him, like clara saying he’s adhd, with a sort of acknowledgement of it fitting but also a waving away of it as real explanation or an accurate view. even wouldn’t call themself autistic because they don’t know what autism is. (and the master also wouldn’t for the same reasons.) BUT. multiple of the doctor’s companions would pick it up. clara certainly would, clara would say it to even’s face (<- woman who has been masking so hard her whole life and literally doesn’t know how to stop anymore and Needs to point out when someone else isn’t Doing It Too.) donna would notice, too, mention it off-handedly to the doctor at some point like she’s not sure if he’s noticed even having difficulty when he’s already so weird himself.
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cerbreus · 2 years ago
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it’s been a hellish last couple months dealing with being caught in the crossfire between incompetent rental car agency that is mad at me and incompetent car insurance company that didn’t tell me the person handling my claim fucking QUIT and MY CLAIM WENT FORGOTTEN FOR MONTHS and it still isn’t resolved in fact things have gotten worse and tbh, when i have major stressful setbacks in life, my body and brains’ response is to just. not. do anything. just shut down. intense fatigue, inability to focus on literally anything because the background level of stress is so high.
#bro im gonna cry#fucking got blacklisted from one of the largest rental car companies in this country and it is apparently#impossible to get off the 'do not rent' list#whats making me more upset is that i literally called them the day the windshield cracked i got things sorted out before i even dropped the#car off and still shit is so far out of my control and now i'm stuck with all these repercussions that shouldn't have happened if my#insurance that i pay a hell of a lot of money for wasn't so incompetent#bro apparently even my ROOMMATES can get blacklisted for sharing an address with me#worse yet payment has been sent out but the company is still going 'fuck you pay me killyourself never talk to us again once u pay this'#i can't get ahold of the DRU person in charge of my claim on their end to find out what happens#so it might end up going to collections anyway which will perma fuck up my credit score which i've been trying. so hard. to raise.#being an adult is a fucking nightmare i want to sleep i can't focus for longer than 5 minutes on anything before i start getting that dread#its so frustrating i can't enjoy my hobbies i can't enjoy my work (which is going well right now) bc i'm so stuck on this i need this to go#away so i can regain my brain's normal functioning and yes i have anxiety this is the worst it's been in a while though#anyway sry for the venting i'll be fine it'll be fine my insurance WILL pay for this and things will be fine (probably) once that goes thru#not that it didn't add to my stress enough that my bp probably took another year off my life lbr#personal stuff#delete later i think#DO NOT rent a car without taking the damage waiver it doesn't matter how much it costs or if you have insurance just take the damage waiver#don't be me
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benevolentvampire · 2 years ago
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wait i just had a theory
#so. malenia and miquella are twins right#obv they look different ages because of miquella's curse but they're twins#what if.#what if they were originally identical twins#and malenia is trans#and also her hair turned red from the scarlet rot's influence but it was naturally the same blonde as miquella#im headcanoning this now you can't change my mind#'but you see her naked and she clearly doesn't have-' that area is covered in rot scars obv it rotted off#the outer god of rot gave her free bottom surgery ig lol#hey with the way the golden order is it adds more to why her family didn't give a shit about her being cursed by the scarlet rot#they're just transphobic#that's in character considering they locked away two of their children for being born with horns#doesn't surprise me that they'd look at malenia coming out and just go 'oh well shame about that rot that's gonna kill you'#adds in even more reasoning for miquella to be outraged at them neglecting her situation#and deciding to form his own society where he accepts and cares for all the people shunned by the golden order#yeah no okay this started out half as a joke hc but i think im gonna die on this hill now#malenia is trans and that's that#ALSO adds more reason to why malenia is so devoted to her brother#he's the only one from her family that accepted her#yes in canon he's the only one who tried to help her with the rot (and his success is what earned him his title/nickname)#and that's plenty reason why she would be#but this works out in my mind
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platinum-horizons · 8 months ago
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4
edit: 4 was NOT supposed to be there i dont know how it happened
Like I know we all love making ADHD seem cool but like, don't forget it's actually a disability? My ADHD is bad enough I've nearly been evicted for forgetting to mail the rent check to the property manager, I've forgotten to pay the utility bills and had my water or power get turned off or had to pay fines bcs I missed a credit card payment. Once I was supposed to cat sit for a friend and I lost the house key she gave me but didn't realize until she was already out of town, and she had to call the apartment office to get someone to give me the spare so her cats would have food for the week. When I'm unmedicated I can't even get myself to shower half the time, forget eating or cleaning. Before I started living with my fiance I'd just like, not eat for days because I didn't have anyone to remind me to eat or go buy me food. I've forgotten to turn the stove off so many times and ruined kettles and tbh been DAMN fucking lucky the house didn't burn down. I've done stupid, impulsive shit that's nearly gotten me KILLED. I can't remember to close the shower curtain reliably even through my fiance points out every single time I forget, and he's almost out of soap rn bcs for the last MONTH neither of us have been able to remember to order more once we get out of the shower.
I've had such bad memory my entire life that to this day someone suggesting I forgot something because I simply didn't care enough is a legitimate trigger that, in the worst cases, makes me have a breakdown.
I get that for some of you this is just something that makes studying hard or you forget to take a pee break when you're playing Minecraft or whatever, that's still a valid struggle and you do deserve help and understanding, but like, ADHD is a disability. It's disabling. It's not impossible to improve and learn coping skills, meds help a lot, there are great accommodations out there(LIKE CLEANING SERVICES), but not every case of ADHD is the same, and a lot of them are pretty ugly ngl, and just because you managed to do something doesn't mean someone else is gonna be able to manage it too, or that they're being lazy for struggling. And that obviously doesn't mean ADHD people have a free pass to never work on themselves and make everyone cater to their every need or whatever, but we do deserve some understanding when we explain that our disability is actually disabling in ways that aren't palatable to you. So like, idk, maybe don't immediately recoil in horror when you find out that someone with ADHD can't keep their house clean. And for fucks sake don't ridicule them for it.
#yeah. I have pretty severe adhd and along with impacting my focus and things#i have really bad memeory problems because of it. medication doesn't even help that. Like you could tell me something thats really fucking#important or spill out feelings to be and id probably forget it all in the span of a few hours to a day.#i forget to eat. I forget to brush my teeth. i forget to shower. i forget to drink water. i forget to clean things.#i also want to add that. I can have major meltdowns because of my adhd. And I bet other people have that happen too#I dont know about other people but#i would NOT want to be avoided or treated badly in general because of a meltdown. There's at least a few other people who can agree with th#I know im not the only one. So please#dont ridicule people with adhd for not keeping their house clean or forgetting something you said#and don't be a bitch because someone had a meltdown they couldn't control#this isnt me saying “ohhh when someone does ____ in a meltdown they still shouldnt have consequences”“! no.#i fully believes in taking responsibility for your actions#but you guys also need to remember that we arent in the right mind AT ALL during that. i know I can be extremely unpredictable and sometime#violent towards myself or others during the breakdowns#yes I am aware that is not ok.#i will take consequences for my actions#but if you're just going to tell me to stop doing shit for attention or to “stop crying its already happened”#stay the fuck away from me.#(btw i had a worker at a mental hospital do that to me. He also got angry at me and snatched my clothes away from me when i was trying to#get them in the dryer because i was acting confused and was taking too long#what was actually happening was that i was stuck trying to process all the instructions he gave in like less than a minute.#i then had a meltdown after he snatched the clothes away from me. I didnt get violent but i was screaming. not at anyone#just screaming because of how distressed i felt in the moment over that. I felt like i wasnt understood#it felt like nobody even gives me a chance before i get stopped for “being too slow”.#because yes#i can take a while to process things sometimes.#but that doesnt give anyone the right to be an asshole to me in(at least I'd thnk so)#so along with not ridiculing someone for not having their help clean#not brushing their teeth or not drinking enough water#dont be an asshole because someone with adhd had a meltdown and also be patient with them.
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orcelito · 4 months ago
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I was on call for nearly 7 hours between streaming my samurai game, watching anime, and then just chatting some. Which was really great for getting my mind off things!!! Hung out with a good assortment of friends, which was pretty great.
Though. Now I'm alone again. Which I usually enjoy. But it also has me remembering why I was on such a long call to start with...
I have therapy tomorrow, and I don't know whether I should mention this. She's primarily my grief therapist, so it'd maybe feel weird to spring something else on her... but I don't know...
#speculation nation#just kinda remembering again how fickle it all was.#all the compliments... the 'i love you's... nearly 6 months of them...#dropped so suddenly for a days-long infatuation...#ultimately i guess it's for the best that this happened before i got Too deep into it.#unlike my ex from 2020. where i was literally living with him and genuinely contemplating eventual marriage.#the idea was floated vaguely of my recent ex and i living together next year if we were still together by then.#so if she's gonna be so shallow and selfish as to drop me just like that for a new 'love'...#going so far as to say she doesnt actually love me & every time she said it was just automatic impulse...#like. ouch.#adding in the fact that i admitted to her that i struggle with trust and abandonment issues#due to prior experiences with being dropped for being too difficult or having someone choose some1 else over me...#she promised that i was the only one she wanted to actually date... but then turned around out of nowhere and said she wanted to add one#but when i stood my ground and voiced my concern about her daying someone else given the obvious communication issues going on#(aka her standing me up without warning and ignoring me all day. which she said was bc she was too distracted by the person#she's in 'love' with. to the point where i just wasnt even a thought in her mind...)#(though i literally called her when she didnt show up to the time we agreed on. idk how she'd miss it. but oh well.)#anyways i was rightfully worried about it. and Thats when she ignored me again only to say she couldnt see us working out#bc there was no way of her feeling the same way with me that she does with Her...#frankly i think shes blinded by infatuation and is going to regret this later down the line.#throwing a good thing away for a passing fancy who's planning on moving away soon Anyways.#but. well. it's not my problem anymore is it? even if she begged for me back theres no way i would#after the absolute shitshow that's been the past day.#and it sucks bc i really did like her and spending time with her. but im glad it happened now. before i got too deep in it.#i'll give myself time to recover. focus on my interests again. and school.#and in a few months' time maybe i'll join the dating pool again. this time with a better idea of my wants and boundaries.#it really sucks to have 10 exes. it's kind of embarrassing. but with each one im learning more about myself.#in time maybe i'll find the person that's right for me. who wont drop me bc im too much of a hassle or bc someone else is better.#i have worth as a person. im not perfect but plenty of people do like me.#and i'll find the person who wants to stay with me for good. sometime. eventually.
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return of the king messes me up every time i watch it. like. you can’t go home, home will never be the same because you have changed. you will never return from this journey. physically you may go back, but mentally a part of you is left behind. something is missing. you become changed by the grief and it never really leaves you. there was something i told my mom a while back. i told her i hadn’t felt truly happy or excited for anything in a long time. she told me that was part of being an adult. even if she didn’t mean it this way, i think i understand.
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doveofmourning · 7 months ago
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I'm gonna ruin this because I don't know how to be normal about having a crush unless I'm high apparently
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